I’m scared.
Last week was a very emotional week, I felt like I had something to get off my chest, but I didn’t know what. I never longed for something like this. I never was so blunt with a few things I had said to a few people and I want to apologies but then I’m too embarresed to even to do that, I don’t know if I even need to. I hadnt ever been so emotionally selfish, although I didn’t talk much I was so focused on how I was feeling, how I haven’t been living how I have been wanting to and how I had been living surely would never lead me to what would make me happy. Living for me is living for Amelia right? Because I had been told by somebody that I couldn’t do that, Amelia is my life. Now my health is going down hill, right now I cry every night because I’ve been lied to by somebody who has waisted my time, changed my way of living and just beated down because I couldnt change how I felt physically. I didn’t always feel up to going out with him and his friends, or getting out of bed early on Sunday, and I couldn’t help but take every advantage of Amelia being baby sat and slept.
I’m having a hard time accepting everything that is wrong with me and I hate for any body else to as well, but I clearly can’t hide it all anymore and I am going to start working on things. Acceptance is the key. I just hope god blesses me with all the right treatment and all the support&love I can get.
