Happy

It was such a beautiful day and wonderful a well

I wish the weather was Like this everyday of the year.

Oh gosh. This month and next is going to be sooo tuff gotta goto work a shit load it’s gna be very hard ESP If the. Weather goes all crazy on me.

250dollar car payment. Tag payment only god know how much that’s goin to be. And other stuff.

Ahh. Hello life. Please be patient and kind.

:(

Mm I just wanna live.

I want so many things to go away so I can securely open myself up and let new things in.

Why can’t the past just be in the past. Ppl go on and on about how ohh that was in the past blahblahblah. I don’t beleive it. Nope.

I am going to hve to learn a new way to live. How am I supose to do that when apart of me is stuck on wannting what was good in the past.

I pray every night for god to help me on the right path. To give me strength to face and to overcome reality. And start living what is good.

I know in time it will happen. But not soon Mayer not even months.

I doo know that I alot of thngs make ne happy my biggest problem led me to this amazing little Ray of Sunshine n that’s who I strive to make happy she makes ne forget so many things alot of the time I get behind on what makes me heal emotionally. Amelia is enuff to handle why be selfish I can’t be but how do I find the time to help myself and I know that’s why it’s going to be awhile till I can do it because I I focus on that I’d be depressed but I can’t I don’t want to I know it won’t fix itself but o do have faith that one day my heart will let me know it’s over and done with.

I just want my life to be funn. And to focus on wwhat really matters and not stress over things. I know that can’t completely happen but I gotta be more postive I feel myself slipping. I can’t and I won’t. I beleive god is giving me the strength I know he is. I would be like all these other mothers that are selfish and all about forgeting there problems by having fun n dropping there kids off with who ever the hell will take em.

Everything happens for a reason it’s just waiting and being strong to work towards the end of the tunnel in all theright ways.

ha..

Sharks.

Names.

Amelia

Industrious “Teutonic” Extremely intelligent in thought and deed you are gifted at communication and finding practical applications for your ideas. You are strong willed and ambitious and need to have passion, freedom and adventure in your life. Always willing to help others your warm, honest and loyal nature ensures that you are loved by all. It is likely that you will achieve a great deal of success and recognition in life

Stormy

Very much the individual you have enormous energy and vision and must find a suitable use for your talents. You have great potential for success in business if you can guard against indecision and worry. Your generous nature means that you are never short of friends and with cooperation your relationships can be very rewarding. Perseverance and firm decision making will ensure you achieve your objectives

Gage

Pledge “French” Balanced and fairminded you possess the ability to use sound reason and judgement when determined and decisive action is required. Persuasive and logical you tend to be an influential figure in your circle of friends and associates. You are extremely adaptable and this is necessary as you seem to be continually being presented with decisions of a life altering nature

Levi

Pledge “Hebrew” You are charming, talented and have a very positive attitude to life so it is hardly surprising that you attract success and recognition. Focussed and patient you understand that material rewards are a result of discipline. Being so creative and with a need for self-expression you may be drawn towards the arts, travel is also likely to be important. A loyal friend, you are a person who must be allowed freedom and independence.Amelias allready livin up to what this saids about her. haha. there all pretty true..and almost on the dot. esp levis haha.

Cant

Wait…

to get my hair finiiallly fuckin fixed.

woooo.

and get signd up for the badass cake decorating class.

oh gosh soooo excited.

Update

Amelia got her shots.

The doctor had alot of good things to say. Shes healthy Im sooo happy shes a healthy baby juss what I preyd for. He said she might have trouble learnin to walk since shes so tall and weighs more then expected at 10 months. she weighs 24 punds and is 29 inchs long. how mf’n crazy is that. i miss my little tiny baby. but soo excited to see her jus grow and grow. he said shes advanced she saids hi, bye and waves hi and bye. saids mama nana papa dada. Shes suposely as big as 13 or 14 month olds. ugh. haha.

Shes so cranky from the shots, constipated as well. ruind my planns :( BUT next weekend.

Ive pretty much vanishd from the face of the earth.

I miss alottta people :(. BUT noo more.

Hopefuly Kristen is going to do my hair tmrw. sooo excited. i need somethin new. sheshh.

rrrr..

Back to reality.

Mom loves to make things sooo huge.

ugh.

Saturdayy..is tmrw.

its gonna be a fun experiance.

Been awhile.

Yupp.

Long week. busy week.

Dad still hasnt got my sims card activated, and i need a new phone.

this one will not let me send text messages but i can receive them.

er.

So I guess me&Amelia are going to goto the Mall today, and Target, and Sams.

and get some delishious Krispy kream.

So I hear theres a magical catholic church in ericka springs. Ive been there..but I didnt prey.

I hearr a road trip.

yuppp.

Gotta baby shower to go to tonight, wel possibly..shes probably goin to have it soon. dilated at a 3 and mucus plug fell out.

ick.

im so lucky ii didnt go threw all that.

despite my life threating sitiuation…

atleast i was put to sleep